Himerus and Eros
by Kirby a Quiet Tree
Summary: After Brittany's rejection, Santana tries to get over her best friend, but will it work? Will Santana and Brittany remain friends? Become more? Or will Santana's bitterness destroy it all?
1. AntiLove Songs

"Santana, I'm sorry," she began in an almost pitiful voice while leaning next to the locker near mine. Despite the sincerity in her voice, I just rolled my eyes at her.

"Whatever. I'll just stay with Sam; you can stay with the cripple. We keep out thing going and it's just like it was before." Even though I was an amazing liar for some reason I just couldn't look into those blue eyes of hers that were quivering slightly with tears when I said it. Not that that or the slight tightness in my stomach meant anything.

"Does Sam know?" questioned Brittany. "Like, even though it isn't cheating?"

"Trouty mouth is too dense to figure it out. Not my problem." The last three words out of my mouth sounded a little more bitter than I intended. "I wear the pants in our relationship."

"I always find that the best relationships are the ones with no pants." Brittany then flashed me one of her cute smiles…and a small part of me hated her for it. Despite that though, I laughed.

"You know it's true, babe," I replied, some of my anger toward her melting away. Part of my lungs still felt like there was a match burning up some of my air, but…I wasn't thoroughly pissed at her anymore.

"So we're good now?" Brittany asked with a slight tremble in her voice.

"Yeah, we're fine," I lied, the burning in my lungs spreading to the rest of my chest. I'd fake my way through this. It didn't matter what she did… I didn't care.

"Alright, what kind of songs are we going to do this week?" Mr. Schue started out. It was so…typical it was almost annoying. Now I knew exactly what was going to happen that whiny, little…

"Mr. Schue, if I may…" Right on time. Rachel Berry, as usual began taking over Glee club. Something about another round of love songs, probably just so she could try getting into Finn's pants. Not that he was that fun in bed…

"Do we have to do love songs?" Eyes swiveled toward me, the irritation in my voice clearly cutting through the air.

"What do you have against love songs?" asked Mercedes of all people, you know, probably the most single of us in glee club. So much for anyone being on my side. Stupid bitch… first she steals away Puck, now she's siding with Rachel.

"Nothing." I focused so my expression would only harden. No need to show these idiots the real reason I didn't want to sing love songs, not that there really was one. I was just sick of these people believing in true love. It doesn't exist and they need to learn that. My eyes flickered toward Brittany, who was looking down in her lap, somewhat resembling a guilty puppy that just ate half a shoe. And then that stupid guy kept glancing at her through his freaking glasses, looking worried. …Idiot…

"We just keep doing these dumbass love songs and they're all about the same freaking thing." A brief silence followed while I just smirked at the idiots. Seriously, how many times do we have to deal with the fact that we do the same damn thing every year? I'm not the brightest person in this club, and if I realize something before everyone else, there's a freaking problem.

"I think Santana has a point…" Sam grumbled, probably just to agree with me but what the hell, he at least learned that much in the few weeks we've been together: do not mess with me.

A few murmurs rippled throughout the others before Mr. Schue spoke up. "We have done a lot of love songs. Does anyone have an idea for something different?"

Rachel glared in my direction and crossed her arms. Like that would have any effect. She might as well have been a sheep staring down a wolf.

"What if we did something like….anti-love songs?" suggested Mercedes. I wasn't quite sure what the hell she was talking about, but whatever it was, it had to be better than Berry 's idea

"What's an anti-love song?" Finn asked, his voice maintaining the dumb as a brick voice he usually had about….most things. He was so lucky he was a little cute…

"Songs against love," I replied. "Pretty much exactly what it says on the tin."

"Do we really need to promote that much bitterness though?" asked Rachel, her eye flickering towards Finn and Quinn.

"I don't really think it matters. We practically caused a riot with some of our songs. If Brittany and I can throw up in front of the damn school while we're all practically wasted and we get away with it, we're freaking golden," I replied with extra snarkiness added to my voice. This was the one time I was going to fight for something that diva Mercedes suggested.

The rest of the club just stared at me with mild confusion, probably due to the fact that I was agreeing with someone. Well, if I was agreeing with Brittany they'd be totally fine with that, but...things were different between us. That was becoming more painfully obvious to me than it was before...

I quickly blinked away the thoughts of...her and went back to glaring at the Glee club. "What? I just think it's a good idea, even if Mercedes thought of it. Now stop staring at me." I began looking toward Mr. Schue. "So are we doing it?"

Mr. Schuester shook his at the swear word and the bitter tinge to my voice, but I didn't really give a damn. I'm pretty sure I've said worse things. "I don't see why we shouldn't do it. It's something a little different at least."

"But Mr. Schue…anti-love songs aren't…really…a good representation of Glee club…"

"Stop disagreeing with me just to freakin' disagree," I snapped to her.

"It could be a good emotional thing," replied Brittany , the intelligence in her voice foreign to most of our ears. "Like, not all of the songs have to be whiny. Anti-love songs can be just as emotional as love songs."

"…did you really just come up with that?" The expression on Mr. Schue's face mimicked the thoughts going through all of our heads. What in the hell just happened?

Brittany just nodded and her eyes flashed toward me like lightning, only for a brief second, not long enough for anyone else to notice the look we shared. Her eyes focused back on and I half wondered if I imagined the moment. "I think that we can find songs that fit us, get the emotion in. That's why Vocal Adrenaline was afraid of us last year…"

The same dumbfounded expression plastered itself on everyone's face once more. First sign of the world actually ending in 2012, here we go….

"I think that makes sense," Sam replied, his eyes glancing toward Quinn. God, was anyone in the school actually in a happy relationship? Besides, big mouth was mine, he shouldn't even be _thinking_ about Quinn. Stupid bastard… A small laugh snapped my attention away from my jealous tendencies.

Brittany smiled and laughed at something Artie was whispering in her ear. For a moment the both of them looked…happy. I guess there was one relationship in this school that wasn't fucked up….for now.

"So we're doing anti-love songs, right?" The sharpness in my voice was enough to cut through everyone's thoughts, their attention snapping back at me.

"Yes, Santana," Mr. Schue said with a mild annoyed sigh. "We're doing anti-love songs.

My eyes burned while I looked back at Artie and Brittany smiling at each other. Fucking A.

"Hey…are you okay?" Sam said, nudging me. I almost forgot he was even by me.

"Fine," I replied, a sharpness to my voice. Looking back at him, I was reminded how I destroyed his relationship with Quinn. Granted those two dumbasses made it easy as hell, but… if I managed to ruin that, why couldn't I ruin Brittany and the cripple?

"I'm just fine." With a smirk I kissed him, half- hoping that Brittany would glance over at us. Even if she didn't, I knew that one way or another, this was going to work for me. I'd make damn sure of it.


	2. Love and Affection

Songs In this Chapter: Love and Affection- Neon Trees

.com/watch?v=9TUIA6dzGi8

Feedback on whether or not anyone is OOC would be nice. :)

* * *

><p>"So what do you think your anti-love song is going to be?" Brittany asked Santana once the final bell releasing them from school rang.<p>

"I'm not sure," I replied, hiding the snarkiness in my voice. Did she really not get that there was a reason I agreed to do anti-love songs? Even if Brittany wasn't the brightest crayon in the box… she was smarter than most people gave her credit for. Especially when it came to this emotional shit that I didn't know how to deal with. Hell, if it wasn't for Miss Holiday, I would barely even be aware that I lov…liked Brittany in the way I did. I thought it was just sex but now…

"Hey, Brittany ." A voice suddenly interrupted our conversation. How can he move that quietly in a damn wheelchair? "Are we still up for our date at Breadstix tonight?"

"Yeah of course." Her smile seemed brighter than normal when she grinned at Artie. And for some reason this just really, really, really pissed me off.

"All right, cool. I'll see you at 7:30 then, okay?" Artie gave an uneasy glance toward me, despite the emotionless expression on my face. He had every right to be terrified of me though... Flickering his eyes back toward Brittany, he flashed her another geeky smile. Before her rolled away, his eyes seemed to linger a little longer on Brittany's body than they really needed to.

"Sorry about that." She stared at her feet, looking guilty.

"Why are you apologizing?" For some reason, my voice was a twinge sharper than normal.

"I just...I thought you might still be hurt."

"You don't have to coddle me, Brittany. I already told you, you can just go ahead and be with him. I don't give a rat's ass." That same unintentional sharpness was still in my voice.

"You seemed hurt.. When you first told me that you wanted to be with me," Brittany replied in a small, quiet voice.

I took a breath. I wasn't sure if it was out of irritation or trying to repress what I said to her then.

"Look," I said after another slightly ragged breath. "I know I said all that, but I'm over it. Messing around with you is fun, and we'll still be friends and that's it, okay?"

"Oh, okay..." Brittany replied. "Just...Santana? You still mean what you said though, right?"

I hated hurting her.

I really did.

I'm not quite sure why I said what I did after she asked me that though. Maybe because it seemed like she was playing a game with me.

She started it. Why would she even ask how I felt if she wasn't going to leave him?

"I don't know." _Blatant lies_ Some voice in the back of my mind whispered. "Does it even really matter? You're staying with _him_, right?"

"Yeah..." Brittany continued to look down at her feet. A flood of guilt began to pool in my stomach. I didn't want to hurt her... "I think I'm going to go home now, okay?"

"Yeah, sure. I need to talk to Miss Holiday about something anyway. Text me later Britt-Britt."

I felt almost like a creeper watching her walk away, but I just felt...bad. I'm not sure how I expected staring longingly at her to fix anything but...

"Get out of my way!" Karofsky demanded after running into me, breaking my attention away from Brittany and toward this fat, ugly, wall of meat.

"Look, I already threatened to rip one of your balls off." If looks were bullets, my eyes would have made him a chunk of Swiss cheese that survived a mouse attack. "Mess with me again and I will cut off your dick, shove it down your throat, then sew your lips together, okay?"

"Sorry J-Lo," he half muttered, walking away. "I didn't know it was you."

"Dumbass." Once he was out of my sight, I turned around to find Miss Holiday looking out the door Karofsky just walked out of.

"Have a lot of hostility there Santana?"

"Hey, he slushied me last week. Besides, I'm already not in a good mood. How do you do it, Miss Holiday?"

"Do what exactly?"

"Stay out of relationships, don't get emotionally attached."

"Sweetie, I know that might sound like a good thing to do, but...it isn't. I'm a wanderer. And...this wouldn't have anything to do with Brittany, would it?"

My eyes focused on her forehead while I responded with silence.

"Okay...well, if it does, just...think about it. Do you want her to be happy, no matter what? Or do you want to be with her more than that? Either way, she's with Artie now and you're with Sam, try to move on."

"...fine," I replied in the bitchiest voice I could muster. "Thanks for the advice." Then just like Brittany and Karofsky, she walked away...

* * *

><p>7:30...Brittany and...him were on that date. Not that I cared. I was with Sam, on my couch. Home alone. If just needed to focus on that instead...<p>

"You seem distracted." He ran a hand through my hair. After a few chaste make out sessions, it was slightly messier than normal. It felt...nice, but it wasn't like there were fireworks or anything.

"I'm just bored." I adjusted myself so I was literally on his lap now. " I think we can do something more fun..." I began to kiss him deeply, my hands reaching under his shirt to slowly pull it off...

"Santana, stop, what are you trying to do?" Sam wrapped his hands around my wrists and moved them away from his chest. 7:30...

"Isn't it obvious? We've been together for a few weeks now. Why haven't we slept together?"

"It wouldn't be right. You're hot and everything, but...no."

"Why the hell not? It's just sex. It's not a big deal." Anger flared up in my chest again. 7:30...Breadstix. Why did he have to do this tonight?

"Santana, I just don't want to right now. There's nothing wrong with that. You can have some love and affection without sex, you know?"

I wasn't quite getting whatever point Troutymouth was trying to make, but...something about the way he phrased it gave me an idea.

"...I guess you're right," I lied before quickly changing the topic. "Hey Sam, do you mind helping me with my anti-love song for Glee?"

* * *

><p>"Santana, since you helped approve of the topic, why don't you sing your anti-love song now?"<p>

"With pleasure Mr. Schue." Standing in front of them...something in my stomach twisted. It wasn't the losers of Glee club that were making me nervous. Just them, Artie and Brittany. Mostly her...he was just a stupid boy after all. Sam grabbed his guitar and then I began to sing.

_"I still think that your games are cute_

_I just don't understand_

_why my love isn't good enough_

_I just don't understand_

_why my love isn't good enough_

_for you_

_I want you to show me_

_love and affection..."_

Once I reached the end of the song, I looked up to everyone staring at me. A slight amount of perspiration covered my forehead because of the little bit of dancing I did for the song.

"What?" I demanded, crossing my arms while I returned their stares.

"It was...really good Santana," Mr. Schue replied. "Really emotional. We could definitely use some of that for Nationals.

Deep breath. After a little bit I finally moved my eyes toward them. Brittany and Artie. Her glancing down into her lap like she always does when she doesn't feel well, and him...holding her hands, trying to comfort her. In retrospect, she was like this since the beginning of Glee club...

"I'm sorry Brittany," he murmured, just audible enough for me to hear as I walked back toward my chair and let Miss Rachel "Look-at-Me" Berry take the stage. "I didn't mean it."

I know I hurt her earlier today.

I hated it though, but if this stupid boy thought he was going to get away with hurting my Britt-Britt he had another thing coming...

"What did he do to you?" A few heads looked our way, ignoring Rachel setting up for her performance. The drama queen could live with someone not paying attention to her for a few minutes.

"He just made a bad joke, that's all..." Brittany's voice was meek. I knew there was more to it than that.

"I made a joke about women being stupid, which sounds dumb but...It was too far."

"You bet your ass it was." Artie genuinely looked terrified by the tone of my voice. "Listen, I don't care what happened yesterday. I don't care if it's her fault. You better make it up to her."

The rest of Glee club was staring at our bizarre trio.

"Mr. Schuester, am I allowed to perform now?" Rachel broke the tension that swelled in the air throughout the room.

"Just let her sing it." I sat back down in my seat and answered Miss Holiday's question. I just wanted her to be happy, even if it didn't involve me. Thing is... I don't think it involved _him_ either...


End file.
